Havoc and Devastation

This is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago that I never intended on sharing with anyone, however after discovering The Darkest Fairytale‘s blog, I was inspired to post my own poetry. As always, let me know what you guys think!

I don’t get why no one gets me.

What’s inside is something they just can’t see.

I have a lot of dreams and many aspirations,

But while I’m here all I create is havoc and devastation.

 

I want to spread my wings and fly,

Away from this hell and these prying eyes.

Then I feel that familiar pull,

Dragging me down where their minds are so dull.

Sometimes its easy, faking content,

But mostly its draining, so much time spent.

 

A constant nagging deep down in my gut,

Keeps on reminding me I’m stuck in a rut.

I’ve lost who I am now I cant even see,

Why no one ever seemed to get me.

The dreams and aspirations I may never achieve,

All the havoc and devastation because I don’t know how to leave.

HEY! Can a girl get a date around here?

I think it must have been Tinder that signified the end of real dates. All that “dating” consists of these days is swiping left or right on some randomers face, cheesy chat up lines (Netflix and Chill anyone?) and unwarranted dick pics. Oh how I long for the days when my grandmother was growing up, where your gaze would meet that of a handsome man across the room and they would then ask you to dance, not make an unwelcome grab for your arse and ask you where your staying tonight. When did all the guys get together and suddenly decide to swap suits for snapbacks and manners for misogyny? Well I think its about time us girls set the record straight. No, a “cheeky Nando’s” is not an ok plan for a date. Asking a girl out and then picking her up, driving her around in your car and parking up somewhere, is also not a date. It’s creepy, it’s weird and to be honest its how far too many episodes of Criminal Minds start off. If we agree to meet up with you that does not automatically mean we are going to kiss/sleep/anything with you. We owe you nada. Please refrain from asking for nudes. If it was going to happen it would be because we want to, not because your begging like a badly behaved puppy. Nor are we going to have a conversation with someone about how big/small/round our boobs are. They’re kind of stuck to our chests, we don’t need anyone to tell us what they look like.

In this tech driven society where girls are constantly deemed “crazy” for even texting a guy twice, its discouraged us from making the first move and guys no longer seem able to be the one to take the bull by the horns so what’s a girl to do? What we need is to bring it back to basics. If you like someone, tell them. Forget the snapping, whatsapping and Facebook tapping and have a real conversation with someone. Face to face. That way your “👉🏽👌🏽”? text which, when challenged, you claim only meant that we were fit but we all know what you actually meant, cant be misconstrued. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If two people like each other then they should both want to make an effort to impress one another, simple as. Thanks to Geordie Shore we now have lads competing against their friends for the title of “top shagger” and regarding it as a similar accomplishment to winning the Nobel peace prize. Now lads think they will be perceived as “weak” for telling a girl how they really feel, but I cant think of anything more manly than being able to admit you like someone and putting yourself on the line for that person. Am I right girls?

Reading this back, I should really take a piece of my own advice. There is someone I’ve liked for a while now and I’ve been too shy to say anything, but why should I let the ignorant views of some pathetic keyboard warriors stop me from going after what I want? I might aswell break all the rules and send him an absolutely shocking double text!!! Maybe it wont work out. But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever! In the words of one of my fav people, Lily Allen:

“Forget your balls and grow a pair of tits”

Because yes, its hard out here for a bitch! Its time for all the ladies to stop being afraid to go after what we want just because history has taught us that we shouldn’t. Chivalry may be dead but that doesn’t mean our dating life has to die too. So gals, take that risk. Make that move. And guys, if you have the cojones to approach someone that has caught your eye, keep it old school. Everybody loves a gent.

 

Lily Allen – Hard Out Here

Mental Health Awareness Week

With the week thats in it I have decided to share my views on mental health awareness and my personal experiences with the issue.

I cant remember what age I was when I first started thinking that I might not be the same as everyone else, but it has mulling away in the back of my mind for a very long time. When I was a child I felt I was more mature than the other kids my age, but also more angry, more confused, more defiant. I was sent to counsellors who didn’t understand me by teachers who didn’t know what to do with me and so the cycle continued until I was 15 and I learned to suppress my innermost feelings. And I was not alone. Statistics show that 70% of children who experience mental health problems have not had any appropriate intervention at a sufficiently early age. It wasn’t until recently, at the age of 21, when I started to write all my thoughts down each night that I felt some sort of relief. My head was always so full of anxiety, fear, anger and a constant impeding doom of helplessness. I felt like I was 10 stone lighter after emptying my thoughts out on to the pages. I was able to confide in my diary in a way I could never confide in an actual person, without the worry of judgment or misunderstanding. I have never spoken about what goes on inside my mind to anyone, and no one I know has ever spoken about their mental health to me. It is estimated that 1 in 4 people in Ireland will experience a mental health problem in any given year. So why is there still a stigma attached to people who admit that they are experiencing such common issues? In our modern day society where it is deemed acceptable to get ossified from alcohol and strip naked on reality tv shows and have Swarovski crystals glued on to your not-so-private private-parts, it is time that this phenomenon of sufferer-shaming is wiped out once and for all. When something insignificant annoys you, like your hairdresser cutting 4 inches off your hair instead of the trim you actually wanted, nothing makes you feel better than venting about it to a friend. So imagine how isolating it is for people dealing with something as serious as a mental health issue, feeling like they cant get that same “weight off their shoulders” sensation because they’re too used to bottling everything up inside for fear of humiliation and rejection? The changes that need to be made in order to cease this widespread attack on the voices of people with mental illnesses are vast, but everyone has a part to play and together we can change the fact that most people suffer in silence. It’s the blasé bully making casual jibes that someone is “mental” or “unstable” when they admit that they aren’t coping so well. It’s the little things we have let seep into society and now view as acceptable, like the social media monsters who label girls as “crazy.” No explanation required just simply, yes your a girl, your nuts. Sounds absurd, right? I logged on to Facebook just today and was confronted with a meme which quickly informed me that “If a girl is cute, smart and single you know she’s a psycho”. These nonchalant japes at mental illness may seem insignificant, some of the perpetrators may not even realise the negative effect they are having on the fight against mental health taboos, but it all adds up. It contributed towards my decision to not discuss my mental health with anyone, and I am certain I am not the only one. As of yet, I still have not sought any professional advice about my mental health, partly because I wouldn’t know where to go or who to talk to. I have tried googling what I feel and I have been faced with different results telling me I am either depressed, bipolar or suffering from an anxiety disorder. Not helpful, whatsoever. But hey, at least my laptop wont judge me, right? Well I for one am sick of pretending I’m ok if I’m not, hiding how I feel on the inside so people on the outside don’t label me and put me in an isolated box. I’m choosing to be brave and if I can do it, anyone can. Sometimes I feel like I am in control, sometimes I don’t, and thats ok. One of the entries in my diary reads;

“I wonder do other people feel this way, even on my own I feel led astray.”

Of course they do, and when someone is struggling they shouldn’t have to think twice about reaching out for help. Too many things in life are difficult, lets stop allowing being who you are and looking after your mental health to be two of them.