You know what really Grinds my Gears?

30 things all girls will relate to:

  1. When your waiting at the bar for a drink, you finally get to the front and you rest your arm on the counter, money in hand to show your ready and the whole thing is covered in a disgusting, sticky, unidentified liquid. Gross
  2. When its Saturday night and your watching the X Factor (obvs) and Louis Walsh says for the thirteenth time “your a ready made pop star”
  3. When your on a diet and you go to your granny’s and she refuse to let you leave until you eat 4 sandwiches, 2 trays of chocolates, a scone and a chocolate digestive with tea
  4. When your heading on a night out with the girls and you know its inevitable that your going to see someone that you shifted/slept with and wonder what life would be like if you didn’t live in a place where everyone knows someone that knows someone
  5. When you try to be healthy by bringing a banana to work for lunch but by the time you take it out to eat it its all black and mushy from being bashed around in your handbag
  6. When your lying on the couch nursing a hangover, slowly falling into an alcohol soaked sleep and your pet jumps on you knocking the wind out of you and making you seriously consider becoming a pioneer
  7. When your Mam goes down to the takeaway to get you a spice bag and then calls five minutes later; “They said they’ve never heard of a rice bag Aoife, what do you want instead?”
  8. When your texting a new lad and you know the mandatory “send us a pic” text is coming but they just go all in and send an unwarranted dick pic
  9. When your iPhone charger mysteriously decides to stop working, your not at home, your battery is dying, your going to be left abandoned, stranded, then it all goes black
  10. When you think you’ve met a nice fella on a night out but it turns out that his best friends cousin dumped your sisters friend by text so he is obviously a no go
  11. When your trying to peacefully indulge in your guilty pleasure of watching Ex on the Beach and your Mam comes in while Gaz is riding someone shouting; “they’re like bloody animals those people!”
  12. When your mate tries to quit the cause saying they’re really tired before a big night out that you NEED to go on to get you through the week
  13. When your getting a chicken fillet roll and you want a bit of lettuce and loads of cheese and they do the exact opposite, WHY
  14. When heels are life but they HURT LIKE HELL
  15. When your brother is playing with your phone then next thing you start getting a load of messages on tinder and you realise he’s matched you with EVERYONE – even that lad in your class that used to pick his nose and eat it
  16. When you have an important event so you leave it till the last minute to get organised and order a dress online and it doesn’t arrive in time. Life = over
  17. When your texting someone and they have the audacity to call you? Ew I don’t want phone speak
  18. When you graduate from college and it feels like someone has given you a new game to play but theres no tutorial except its your life and your just flailing around with no notion of whats going on
  19. When you go on holiday and try to ignore the fact that you are naturally the colour of a milkbar so avoid putting on suncream and end up resembling a beetroot
  20. When old people say “did you buy those jeans with the holes in them” yes Sharon pipe down
  21. When you get absolutely lamped on a night out and wake up to a barrage of texts from people saying “what” – never a good thing
  22. When you meet your prince charming and tell him to go fuck himself and he actually does
  23. When you muster up the motivation to go to the gym and do a fitness class and the instructor is someone you shifted on a night out. So much awkward eye contact
  24. When people wear hair extensions and you can clearly see where their real hair ends at the back
  25. When you come home from a night out and your family asks “so did you meet anyone nice?” NOPE
  26. When your getting on well with a new lad and they start acting up out of nowhere, cold shoulder for you then mate
  27. When your just out of the shower and your phone pings with a new WhatsApp message so you scramble to unlock it but it wont recognise your thumb print because theres moisturiser on it
  28. When your casually minding your own business at work and your manager asks you to do something, could you not
  29. When your listening to These Hoes Aint Loyal in the car and your Dad asks why Chris Brown is using that language
  30. When you go clothes shopping during your time of the month and feel like a baby walrus in everything you try on
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